December is “where are you now?” month at Ask a Manager, and throughout the month, I’ll be sharing updates from individuals whose letters were previously featured here.
Do you remember the letter-writer who received racy photographs from a coworker? Here’s the follow-up.
After I submitted the letter, I discussed the issue with my boss (who was very supportive) and also spoke to HR. However, I chose not to respond to the initial messages from the coworker. The HR process initially seemed promising, but it ultimately became demoralizing. Despite submitting an official report and feeling supported initially, I did not receive any updates from HR. The holiday season, heavy workload, and company shake-ups caused me to delay following up until January.
Prior to my follow-up, I received another set of messages from the coworker, including an inappropriate invitation to an in-person event in Vegas (disgusting!). It’s important to note that there was no legitimate business reason for us to interact at this event, and the two other male members of my team did not receive similar messages. I reported this incident to HR and was dismayed to learn that they had not addressed the issue with the coworker since my initial report over a month prior. After two meetings in which I reiterated that I considered this to be sexual harassment, they finally took action and issued a warning to the coworker. Since then, he has not communicated with me, and I have avoided any in-person events where he would be present.
While my company’s response could have been worse, I found it very frustrating and demoralizing that they did not take immediate action on my initial report. Some of the suggestions made about handling in-person events were also terrible. (For example, the suggestion to assign a coworker as my permanent chaperone was completely unacceptable.) I also faced pressure to confront the coworker myself, which I found to be more empowering to do my job without having to spend time and emotional energy dealing with the harassment.
Overall, I like my job, company, coworkers, and boss. However, it has been disheartening to realize how a single incident has had lasting impacts on certain aspects of my work. It took longer than expected for me to not have a negative association with new messages and to actively avoid seeing the coworker’s content during group meetings. With an upcoming in-person event in February, I will need to address this issue with my boss again. What fun!
I regret mentioning the cultural difference element in my initial email. I wrote it the same day I was harassed, and I was still trying to make sense of why it happened. I was fortunate to have a strong support network, including a supportive partner, and a job that eventually responded to my complaint. However, it was still a difficult experience. Thank you to everyone who expressed sympathy and solidarity in the comments, especially those who provided insights on the cultural issue (and I apologize for casting aspersions on Northern Europeans).
