It’s “where are you now?” month at Ask a Manager, and all December I’m running updates from people who had their letters here answered in the past. There will be more posts than usual this week, so keep checking back throughout the day.
First of all: thank you for answering my question! Most of your points were something that really felt reaffirming in a way. I felt like you saw the actual issue behind this one rescheduling, even without all the background context, and why I was even thinking this way. That was perhaps more empowering than anything else. I think this was one of those situations where you can’t find the words to say something that feels difficult – and then you complain to a friend about it and they immediately suggest something really clear and concise. This was definitely one of those situations for me and you, Alison, were very much a friend in need!
Someone in the comments said that maybe I needed more of a chance to vent than to actually ask a question, and I think they were absolutely right. I also really appreciated the commiseration and advice from other people with similar jobs!
When I wrote to you I was already tired, stressed and frustrated. Although I usually handle my hectic work days pretty okay (and most of the time even thrive on facing unexpected daily challenges and sudden changes – I think any other job would feel really boring after this one!) this time it all just felt so pointless and hit hard. I should be doing so many other important things. And for some reason, it just felt so difficult to send those couple of quick emails as usual and continue with other tasks, and instead, I got stuck. And finally wrote to you.
I think it was one of those situations where you just wish you could act instinctively, say or do exactly what you think, no matter how unprofessional or just plain destructive to your professional image or personal relationships. Luckily we don’t usually act upon those urges. Well, most of us don’t – I’ve read enough of this blog to know better!
I think I wasn’t really asking if I should (or could) lie to my boss by omission or otherwise, I was asking how to handle the conflicting rationales in this chaos that is my job. Sometimes my boss makes decisions that feel counterintuitive to me doing my job as well as possible, which is making her daily life go smoothly and efficiently. My being good at my job means that I know everything and am constantly up-to-date about everything, ready to brief her on all subjects and present options for her to decide upon – and more to complicate this issue I’m also expected to make judgment calls on decisions. At the same time I need to remember that I actually do NOT always know everything and that in the end, it’s her job to make all these final decisions and assume responsibility for those in front of our staff and the public. I can present my information and voice my opinions, disagree and debate, but that’s where my responsibility ends, and her decisions do not indeed reflect on me personally. Sometimes you just forget when there’s not a lot of time to step back and reflect. As someone guessed in the comments: my job is definitely not entry-level and although a big part of my day is spent wrangling her impossible calendar, I also act as her political aide: someone she discusses and debates strategies and solutions with, someone who attends important meetings with her as an active participant and not just a note keeper, someone who researches and writes her speeches and statements as well as many, many other things.
It was almost strange to read many of the comments saying that I should reconsider my suitability for this work because of this issue and that perhaps I’m not cut out to be in this job. Someone even said that a good executive assistant would not feel this way. I sort of get it: this is a part of my job that I sometimes just need to deal with. But at the same time: it’s only a part of it all. I reschedule meetings all the time without any issues. It’s the circumstances that sometimes make it more unpleasant, and this time it just was the last straw during a difficult day. The thing is: I don’t think many people have jobs where there are no unpleasant tasks or, well, even an occasional unpleasant day or two… even when they really, really love what they do and do it well. Someone also said that our work seems to compare to civil servants with high burnout rates working in Private Office in the UK, and yep, that definitely sounds familiar, although probably with a lot smaller budget, if you can believe it 🙂 One commenter (“Baffled”) was also pretty close in explaining the scope of my work much better than I was: it’s a lot more than calendars and emails: “At this level, assistants like LW are helping shape strategy, providing insight into employee environments, executing projects and initiatives, coordinating campaigns, planning some events, and EVERYTHING else.”
Our organization deals with issues in all areas of our society and I need to be able to quickly work on issues concerning all and any of them. For example: sometimes we find out in the morning that she needs to present tomorrow on the topic of llama feeding regulations and legislations, and so I have to spend the day first researching on what DO they actually feed the llamas with and who regulates that and what are our issues with it – and then writing a 20-minute speech for her in layman terms. While she’s presenting, I’m already doing something completely different, like drafting a press statement on our work with ethical guidelines for local candlemakers while trying to wrangle six different full calendars in different time zones to schedule a meeting on how to respond to local UFO sightings – and then suddenly something incredibly important comes up and I need to both clear the calendar for the next three days and start rescheduling everything as well as start preparing for the newest thing, all the while trying to find time to take care of that UFO sighting meeting and the deadline for the ethical candles is nearing in.
We have a great staff and I have many amazing coworkers I work closely with, but my line position is still pretty unique. We are also underbudgeted and overworked and that’s completely out of our hands. My boss is not the best at remembering that although we’re pretty damn capable, we’re not machines and many of our staff are crumbling under pressure as it is.
It was made clear to me right from the start that she needed me to tell her when I disagreed with her, to act as her moral backbone of sorts when she got sidelined in the middle of all this chaos. With my role in between, I need to be really careful about what to say and to whom and therefore I can’t really vent with anyone or ask anyone’s opinions on what the boss would like to do. It’s the other way around: others come to me with these questions. (Sometimes I’m able to tell them her line of thinking or how she wants things to be done. Often I either direct them to ask her or ask on their behalf. I really don’t have a habit of deciding for her unless she particularly asks me to!)
FINALLY, for the actual update on how it all went down. I want to clarify that, as usual, I definitely briefed her right from the start on all the relevant context, including how annoyed the organizers were before, as they were much more annoyed than people usually are in these situations. We are reliant on our image and cooperation with these people and every other group we deal with, even when they and a meeting with them are not as important as the thing that forces us to reschedule. But yeah, I did what I had to do and politely emailed the organizers once again and explained…
