A reader inquires:
I am planning a birthday getaway for my partner and myself in the upcoming months. It will just be a short weekend trip, potentially requiring a Friday and Monday off. I want to keep it a surprise until the week of the trip. Would it be appropriate for me to contact my partner’s supervisor (whom I do not know, but have their email) to request pre-approval for their time off? Alternatively, I could reach out to a colleague of theirs (whom I do know), who could then speak to the manager on my behalf.
I want to make sure I am not overstepping any boundaries by making this request, so I wanted to confirm if this is an acceptable approach.
As a manager, I would feel uncomfortable receiving such a request from a partner (or a colleague on their behalf). Here’s why:
* I am unaware if my employee actually wishes to use their time off for this purpose. They may be saving their time for something else later in the year, and I am not comfortable making that decision on their behalf.
* Planning for time off in many roles involves more than just finding coverage – it may require completing tasks in advance, sharing important information with colleagues, rescheduling meetings, or adjusting deadlines. Keeping the trip a secret would hamper these preparations unless someone manipulates the situation to provide alternate reasons for the necessary changes.
* I am not privy to the dynamics of your relationship. While it is likely fine, what if your partner is not keen on taking a trip at this time? What if you have been pushing for this trip and using work commitments as an excuse, and they may not appreciate you going above them to arrange time off without their consent (and deducting from their vacation days)? While unlikely, it is not for me to speculate.
Ultimately, it is not my place to decide on behalf of my employees regarding their time off requests when they are unaware of the request.
However, there is an alternative approach. Could you ask your partner to take those days off for a surprise you are planning, without revealing the details? While it may give away a bit of the surprise, it is a more respectful way to handle the situation when someone else’s job is involved.
